7:30PM
Just got home not too long ago and just called mom.
She didn't sound good at all. She went for her radiation treatment today and she's been feeling nauseous and dehydrated because she keeps throwing up. She sounded weak and a little out of it (thick-tongued) and slow-thinking.
After her radiation treatment she went next door to the chemo center and asked for fluids to help with this. Didn't work. Now she fears she may end up in the hospital because of the dehydration. I encouraged her to continue drinking as much liquids as possible. I asked her if she wanted me to come over and stay with her but she said no. If something happens, she'll call Elisa since she does live 1 minute away. I told her are you sure and she said yeah. I told her I would have my phone on...I always do even at night in case of emergencies.
It's so frustrating not being able to help someone who is suffering....especially someone that I am close to as much as I am to my mom. And here I thought no chemo for awhile would help. It seems it may be the radiation that is worse...not the chemo.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Day 9
1:05pm
Mom is on her last bag of fluids. We've been here on "Day 9" as the nurses call it, since 8 this morning.
We had to see the doctor (rather the colleague of mom's oncologist whom we never seem to see) this morning before mom began her long day of treatment. Her blood pressure was good, but she lost 7 pounds since last week.
The doctor is encouraging her to try to eat more...especially high caloric and high protein foods. We are going to stop by the store and get some yogurt. Mom has been eating peanut butter and eggs, continuing with the ensure and gatorade. She has lost all sense of taste. The doctor said she is doing good with her fluids though and to keep it up as hydration is key to avoiding side effects caused by her treatment.
After seeing her doctor I told mom to go ahead as I wanted to talk to the doctor alone. As stated previously, the doctor wasn't mom's oncologist...it was a colleague of his whom we have seen twice now.
Last week during mom's second day of treatment, her oncologist came to see mom. He sat down. I introduced myself. He looked at me but that was the only acknowledgement I received.
He told mom that he hoped that it will work, blah, blah and blah. Then he proceeded to give her a lecture on how important it was to ensure she makes her payments. That they are a small business and they do afterall, provide the medicine that will hopefully help her heal. I was totally dumbfounded. Did I just hear him correctly?? Was he just trying to feed a guilt trip to my mom and making sure he gets paid?? Really?? This is her second day of treatment and she just found out she has cancer you dumbass.
Mom likes her doctor so I didn't make a scene. What I should have done was pulled him aside and I didn't. Why didn't I? I feel terrible about that.
So this morning when we saw his colleague, I told her what happened. Her mouth just dropped open. I told her that I thought that was the most inappropriate bedside manner I had ever seen from a doctor and that his role is to be a caregiver to his patients...not talk about payments. We know what our financial obligation is and already spoke to the billing department (as is procedure on your first day of treatment). I told her that if he wants to discuss anything about payments, then he can discuss it with me. Mom doesn't need the added stress on top of what she already has. I also told her how caring and thoughtful I felt she has been with my mom but felt otherwise about him. I said I may be reading him wrong, but he doesn't seem like the caring type to me. You can do what you want with this information, I just thought someone should know. Poor thing kept apologizing and of course she couldn't say anything detrimental to me but her eyes told me everything and I knew she totally agreed with me.
If I ever catch him saying any kind of crap to my mom like that again, he will have me to contend with. I'm just so frustrated with myself for not doing that in the first place!
Later, mom asked me why I wanted to speak to her alone, "Did you want to see how long I have to live?". I looked at her incredulously and said, "No. I just had questions about your doctor." I know mom won't read this blog, so I know she won't find out. But even if she does, I'm sure it won't be too big of a deal for her. I just want her to focus on herself and getting better and that's it.
Mom won't have chemo again until the week of February 18th. But she will have radiation every day. I just hope that this will give her the break she needs to get a little of her appetite back and a little energy.
Mom seems lethargic most of the time....doesn't want to or can't do much of anything. The doctor encouraged her to push herself to do a little more physical activity as it is important to keep the muscles active as the treatments eat away muscle...hence the importance of having to eat a lot of protein.
4:08pm
I'm home now. Cooked mom scrambled eggs, washed her dishes and hung out for awhile with her. She ate some pudding and is continuing to drink alot of liquids.
As stated earlier, she doesn't have any chemo for the next 3 wks, only daily radiation. They told her, however, that if the side effects were becoming too much, for her to come in so that they can give her liquids...which could contain steroids for nausea and vitamins and minerals. Today they gave her some potassium with her treatment as it was a little low because of the chemo. Since she has to have daily radiation and the building is right next door, it wouldn't be an inconvenience for her. Some patients resist doing this, and find themselves coming in to get hydrated and feel much better for it. So I told mom NOT to be stubborn and make sure she does this if she feels she needs to.
I think she is emotionally a little better knowing she has a break from chemo for 3 weeks. Maybe she will be able to eat a little more going forward.
My apologies if my thoughts seem scattered. I'm trying to write down as my thoughts come to me and unfortunately, may seem like I am jumping around.
I'm so thankful that the nurses there are so nice and thoughtful. Aside from mom's oncologist, I am impressed with how mom is being treated at the cancer and radiology centers.
Mom will be driving herself to radiation this week. But I did tell her that if she sees the weather and doesn't want to drive due to snow, to let us know. I don't want her stressing out over something like that (and she would).
Mom is on her last bag of fluids. We've been here on "Day 9" as the nurses call it, since 8 this morning.
We had to see the doctor (rather the colleague of mom's oncologist whom we never seem to see) this morning before mom began her long day of treatment. Her blood pressure was good, but she lost 7 pounds since last week.
The doctor is encouraging her to try to eat more...especially high caloric and high protein foods. We are going to stop by the store and get some yogurt. Mom has been eating peanut butter and eggs, continuing with the ensure and gatorade. She has lost all sense of taste. The doctor said she is doing good with her fluids though and to keep it up as hydration is key to avoiding side effects caused by her treatment.
After seeing her doctor I told mom to go ahead as I wanted to talk to the doctor alone. As stated previously, the doctor wasn't mom's oncologist...it was a colleague of his whom we have seen twice now.
Last week during mom's second day of treatment, her oncologist came to see mom. He sat down. I introduced myself. He looked at me but that was the only acknowledgement I received.
He told mom that he hoped that it will work, blah, blah and blah. Then he proceeded to give her a lecture on how important it was to ensure she makes her payments. That they are a small business and they do afterall, provide the medicine that will hopefully help her heal. I was totally dumbfounded. Did I just hear him correctly?? Was he just trying to feed a guilt trip to my mom and making sure he gets paid?? Really?? This is her second day of treatment and she just found out she has cancer you dumbass.
Mom likes her doctor so I didn't make a scene. What I should have done was pulled him aside and I didn't. Why didn't I? I feel terrible about that.
So this morning when we saw his colleague, I told her what happened. Her mouth just dropped open. I told her that I thought that was the most inappropriate bedside manner I had ever seen from a doctor and that his role is to be a caregiver to his patients...not talk about payments. We know what our financial obligation is and already spoke to the billing department (as is procedure on your first day of treatment). I told her that if he wants to discuss anything about payments, then he can discuss it with me. Mom doesn't need the added stress on top of what she already has. I also told her how caring and thoughtful I felt she has been with my mom but felt otherwise about him. I said I may be reading him wrong, but he doesn't seem like the caring type to me. You can do what you want with this information, I just thought someone should know. Poor thing kept apologizing and of course she couldn't say anything detrimental to me but her eyes told me everything and I knew she totally agreed with me.
If I ever catch him saying any kind of crap to my mom like that again, he will have me to contend with. I'm just so frustrated with myself for not doing that in the first place!
Later, mom asked me why I wanted to speak to her alone, "Did you want to see how long I have to live?". I looked at her incredulously and said, "No. I just had questions about your doctor." I know mom won't read this blog, so I know she won't find out. But even if she does, I'm sure it won't be too big of a deal for her. I just want her to focus on herself and getting better and that's it.
Mom won't have chemo again until the week of February 18th. But she will have radiation every day. I just hope that this will give her the break she needs to get a little of her appetite back and a little energy.
Mom seems lethargic most of the time....doesn't want to or can't do much of anything. The doctor encouraged her to push herself to do a little more physical activity as it is important to keep the muscles active as the treatments eat away muscle...hence the importance of having to eat a lot of protein.
4:08pm
I'm home now. Cooked mom scrambled eggs, washed her dishes and hung out for awhile with her. She ate some pudding and is continuing to drink alot of liquids.
As stated earlier, she doesn't have any chemo for the next 3 wks, only daily radiation. They told her, however, that if the side effects were becoming too much, for her to come in so that they can give her liquids...which could contain steroids for nausea and vitamins and minerals. Today they gave her some potassium with her treatment as it was a little low because of the chemo. Since she has to have daily radiation and the building is right next door, it wouldn't be an inconvenience for her. Some patients resist doing this, and find themselves coming in to get hydrated and feel much better for it. So I told mom NOT to be stubborn and make sure she does this if she feels she needs to.
I think she is emotionally a little better knowing she has a break from chemo for 3 weeks. Maybe she will be able to eat a little more going forward.
My apologies if my thoughts seem scattered. I'm trying to write down as my thoughts come to me and unfortunately, may seem like I am jumping around.
I'm so thankful that the nurses there are so nice and thoughtful. Aside from mom's oncologist, I am impressed with how mom is being treated at the cancer and radiology centers.
Mom will be driving herself to radiation this week. But I did tell her that if she sees the weather and doesn't want to drive due to snow, to let us know. I don't want her stressing out over something like that (and she would).
Monday, January 28, 2013
2nd Week
Well, mom began her 2nd week of treatment today. The weekend was so-so for her. She's eating scrambled eggs, spoonfuls of peanut butter, Ensure. But the Ensure shakes seem to be producing too much mucous and it is uncomfortable for her so I will be doing a google search for soft, non-dairy, high-protein food alternatives for her. Any suggestions are welcome.
Tomorrow morning we meet with the doctor and then mom begins her "long" day of chemo and radiation. Mom's dreading the long day. I don't blame her.
She seemed better today. She received radiation but no chemo. I guess we will have to see what the remaining week brings.
Tomorrow morning we meet with the doctor and then mom begins her "long" day of chemo and radiation. Mom's dreading the long day. I don't blame her.
She seemed better today. She received radiation but no chemo. I guess we will have to see what the remaining week brings.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Weekend Rest
At mom's right now. Earlier we completed the social services application for Medicaid. Waiting on a document from AARP before we can mail it in.
Mom is a little less tired this morning. She went to bed at 8pm last night and got up at 8am this morning. However, she got up several times during the night to use the bathroom as the liquids are going right through her. And she has been nauseous at night and having diaharrea.
I picked up some Ensure (outrageously expensive), protein bars and Gatorade. Her throat is still sore from the radiation, so she won't be able to eat the protein bars. She is, however, drinking Ensure and Gatorade which is good. It looks like she lost more weight. She has yogurt and pudding too. She won't be able to eat alot of solid foods for awhile.
Mom also has bruises on her arm where they attempted to place IV's. Apparently they couldn't find a good vein in those spots.
She's resting right now. And understandibly doesn't want to do much. And for those of you who are Facebook friends, she isn't on the computer that much now. She may after all of the treatments, but has no interest right now.
I asked mom how she felt about her first week of treatment overall. She said, not good. She can't wait for it to be over. She has 25 days to go.
Elisa wants to spend the night every Saturday but mom doesn't want her to. Mom said she'd like to suffer alone. We are trying to tell her that it isn't healthy for that kind of mentality but if that is what she wants, we shouldn't go against her wishes. But we will continue to tell her how important it is that she NOT be alone all the time. She said right now she is just takng it day by day.
So I will be here a couple more hours. Mom said that was fine. I don't want to overstay my welcome. As far as Elisa....as I type this, she is still trying to convince mom to let her stay. Good luck with that. Stubborness runs in our family. :)
Mom is a little less tired this morning. She went to bed at 8pm last night and got up at 8am this morning. However, she got up several times during the night to use the bathroom as the liquids are going right through her. And she has been nauseous at night and having diaharrea.
I picked up some Ensure (outrageously expensive), protein bars and Gatorade. Her throat is still sore from the radiation, so she won't be able to eat the protein bars. She is, however, drinking Ensure and Gatorade which is good. It looks like she lost more weight. She has yogurt and pudding too. She won't be able to eat alot of solid foods for awhile.
Mom also has bruises on her arm where they attempted to place IV's. Apparently they couldn't find a good vein in those spots.
She's resting right now. And understandibly doesn't want to do much. And for those of you who are Facebook friends, she isn't on the computer that much now. She may after all of the treatments, but has no interest right now.
I asked mom how she felt about her first week of treatment overall. She said, not good. She can't wait for it to be over. She has 25 days to go.
Elisa wants to spend the night every Saturday but mom doesn't want her to. Mom said she'd like to suffer alone. We are trying to tell her that it isn't healthy for that kind of mentality but if that is what she wants, we shouldn't go against her wishes. But we will continue to tell her how important it is that she NOT be alone all the time. She said right now she is just takng it day by day.
So I will be here a couple more hours. Mom said that was fine. I don't want to overstay my welcome. As far as Elisa....as I type this, she is still trying to convince mom to let her stay. Good luck with that. Stubborness runs in our family. :)
Friday, January 25, 2013
Fatigue
Today Dan took mom for her chemo and radiation. Mom looked tired. She hasn't been sleeping and was up last night with the dry heaves. I think she may be looking forward to the weekend so she can take a breather from all of this. Dan told me he brought her a plant to help cheer her up. My heart just melted! Couldn't ask for a better man than the one God gave me.
Because mom is becoming more nauseous, they gave her more steroids with her chemo. This is like a catch 22. It will help with her nausea but keeps her up at night. If you've ever taken Prednisone, you know what the side effects are like. It's a strong stimulant and makes you feel like you had 5 pots of coffee. You get antsy and can't sleep. It's awful.
Mom still doesn't have an appetite. This concerns me immensely. Dan tried to talk to her about this and encouraged her to at least try to get down some Ensure. He even stopped to get her some Gatorade (bless his heart) so that she would have something in her stomach and help give her a little bit of strength. When I called her later, I also tried to encourage her to eat and asked her if she knew the importance of making sure she eats. She did but all she wanted to do was go take a nap. She sounded very lethargic. And mom never napped before...just goes to show how much this is taking a toll on her already. I tried to entice her to eat by asking her if she wanted any of her favorite foods, but a no go.
It tears me apart to see mom go through this and especially not eating. I plan on visiting her tomorrow. I want to make sure she rests and is eating something. And she may need some stuff done around the house, I don't think she has the energy to do it herself.
I can't say enough about my employer. I missed time at work this week for mom's treatment. To make up some of the time, I planned on working tomorrow. They would not hear of it. They insisted I spend time with mom and not to worry about my time. I started to tear up. Jody (the President), kissed me on the head while her husband actually thanked me for being such a good employee and that I'm a good person and I need to be with my family. My boss was also involved with this and told me to go spend time with my mom. I feel so blessed to work there and to know these people as well as my other co-workers who have also been very supportive. I very much appreciate all of you!
I'm not going to call mom tonight. I don't want to disturb her. I will see her tomorrow and hope that she is well enough to go over the application from Social Services so that we can get that taken care of.
Love you mom! We're all here for you. Don't you worry about nothing but taking care of yourself!
Because mom is becoming more nauseous, they gave her more steroids with her chemo. This is like a catch 22. It will help with her nausea but keeps her up at night. If you've ever taken Prednisone, you know what the side effects are like. It's a strong stimulant and makes you feel like you had 5 pots of coffee. You get antsy and can't sleep. It's awful.
Mom still doesn't have an appetite. This concerns me immensely. Dan tried to talk to her about this and encouraged her to at least try to get down some Ensure. He even stopped to get her some Gatorade (bless his heart) so that she would have something in her stomach and help give her a little bit of strength. When I called her later, I also tried to encourage her to eat and asked her if she knew the importance of making sure she eats. She did but all she wanted to do was go take a nap. She sounded very lethargic. And mom never napped before...just goes to show how much this is taking a toll on her already. I tried to entice her to eat by asking her if she wanted any of her favorite foods, but a no go.
It tears me apart to see mom go through this and especially not eating. I plan on visiting her tomorrow. I want to make sure she rests and is eating something. And she may need some stuff done around the house, I don't think she has the energy to do it herself.
I can't say enough about my employer. I missed time at work this week for mom's treatment. To make up some of the time, I planned on working tomorrow. They would not hear of it. They insisted I spend time with mom and not to worry about my time. I started to tear up. Jody (the President), kissed me on the head while her husband actually thanked me for being such a good employee and that I'm a good person and I need to be with my family. My boss was also involved with this and told me to go spend time with my mom. I feel so blessed to work there and to know these people as well as my other co-workers who have also been very supportive. I very much appreciate all of you!
I'm not going to call mom tonight. I don't want to disturb her. I will see her tomorrow and hope that she is well enough to go over the application from Social Services so that we can get that taken care of.
Love you mom! We're all here for you. Don't you worry about nothing but taking care of yourself!
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Side Effects
Dan took mom to her chemo today. He said that she looked and sounded tired. Elisa picked her up.
I called mom when I got home to see how she was and how today went. She sounded very loopy. Mom has been taking pain medication and Ibuprofen to help with the pain in her neck. Ever since her "long day" on Tuesday, she has had a swollen neck, likely due to all the liquids she had that day and some since. The nurse said it appeared the swelling is going down but that they would keep an eye on it.
Mom was very tired yesterday. Her pre-treatment normal bed time was around 11pm every night. With everything that she has gone through, emotionally and physically, she now is experiencing fatigue. She was in bed at 8pm last night! She woke up at 1pm, took another pill (Ibuprofen) and went to sleep until 6:30 this morning.
Mom didn't have an appetite today. And her throat has a burning sensation (from the radiation). And with her fatigue, it seems some of the side effects are kicking in. We worry about her, especially being alone.
I'm glad mom will have 2 days to rest and recuperate after tomorrow (another day of chemo and radiation). She will undergo radiation on Monday. Then Tuesday, chemo (6 hrs...her "long day") and radiation.
Mom asked me in a weary, sad voice, "I wish you could be with me Tuesday". To which I replied, "Of course I will be with you mom. I'll take the day off." You can tell that perked her up a bit when she said, "You will? Oh good!". After we hung up, Dan had said she said the same thing when he drove her to the hospital today for her treatment. I didn't realize how much she wanted me to be there with her on her "long days". I have to admit, I missed being with her these past two days during her treatment..short or long. I wish I could take every day off, to be with her and support her. I am so grateful I have such an understanding employer. They have been wonderful during this entire ordeal.
After talking with social services the other day, the application for financial assistance came today. Now I will open it, review it and more than likely go see mom this weekend to complete it. The sooner the better.
I also got my flu shot today. Elisa already received hers (mom did months ago). It's important for those close to her to have the shot. Mom will be vulnerable and prone to infections and sickness so we all need to be as healthy as we can be.
Please keep us in your prayers. I know I pray a lot more than I used to.
I called mom when I got home to see how she was and how today went. She sounded very loopy. Mom has been taking pain medication and Ibuprofen to help with the pain in her neck. Ever since her "long day" on Tuesday, she has had a swollen neck, likely due to all the liquids she had that day and some since. The nurse said it appeared the swelling is going down but that they would keep an eye on it.
Mom was very tired yesterday. Her pre-treatment normal bed time was around 11pm every night. With everything that she has gone through, emotionally and physically, she now is experiencing fatigue. She was in bed at 8pm last night! She woke up at 1pm, took another pill (Ibuprofen) and went to sleep until 6:30 this morning.
Mom didn't have an appetite today. And her throat has a burning sensation (from the radiation). And with her fatigue, it seems some of the side effects are kicking in. We worry about her, especially being alone.
I'm glad mom will have 2 days to rest and recuperate after tomorrow (another day of chemo and radiation). She will undergo radiation on Monday. Then Tuesday, chemo (6 hrs...her "long day") and radiation.
Mom asked me in a weary, sad voice, "I wish you could be with me Tuesday". To which I replied, "Of course I will be with you mom. I'll take the day off." You can tell that perked her up a bit when she said, "You will? Oh good!". After we hung up, Dan had said she said the same thing when he drove her to the hospital today for her treatment. I didn't realize how much she wanted me to be there with her on her "long days". I have to admit, I missed being with her these past two days during her treatment..short or long. I wish I could take every day off, to be with her and support her. I am so grateful I have such an understanding employer. They have been wonderful during this entire ordeal.
After talking with social services the other day, the application for financial assistance came today. Now I will open it, review it and more than likely go see mom this weekend to complete it. The sooner the better.
I also got my flu shot today. Elisa already received hers (mom did months ago). It's important for those close to her to have the shot. Mom will be vulnerable and prone to infections and sickness so we all need to be as healthy as we can be.
Please keep us in your prayers. I know I pray a lot more than I used to.
The Beginning...
Over the holidays, mom wasn't feeling well. She had a persistent cough that just wouldn't go away. A family member convinced mom to get a chest x-ray. Maybe it was a chest cold? Maybe pneumonia?
Over a period of weeks, it was determined on Monday, January 8th, that she had cancer. We didn't know what type or how severe. We were convinced though that it had to be stage 1. Her doctor was sending her records to a cancer specialist who would review and do additional tests. We would not lose control of our emotions...we did not know what we were up against...yet.
On Wednesday, January 10th....the bad news. Mom had stage 3b lung cancer. The last stage is stage 4. WHAT?? She quit smoking 7 years ago. The specialists said it was due to second hand smoke. My uncle did smoke in the house for a few years after mom quit smoking. But come on! Wow. No way could this be happening. We can't lose our mom! It's so unfair! How did we miss so many stages?? What do we do now? How and when do you begin treatment? How do we pay for this? How will mom be taken care of? All these thoughts go through your mind, some that you don't or shouldn't have to think about yet...and don't end. It was a total shock to us all. But then again, anyone receiving news that they or a loved one has cancer IS a shocker, isn't it.
Mom, Elisa and I had to take several days for ourselves to let it sink in before we (especially mom) were able to tell close friends and family members. It was difficult but necessary.
And so mom's journey (as well as mine and Elisa's) begins.....
Mom is receiving two different kinds of chemo. One (on the "short days") is not as intense as the other given on her "long days".
Monday was her first round. Lots of paperwork to complete and the procedure took about 3 hours total. They gave her steroids to help with nausea and other things for pain. This round we call her "short days".
Tuesday mom had a 6 hour round of chemo. These rounds are called her "long days". This type of chemo is more potent and can hurt the kidneys. It takes longer to administer as they have to do the drip at a slower rate. She receives all her chemo through an IV in her hand. For this chemo they need to giver her a liter of saline to hydrate her body. Then the chemo begins and later a diuretic. Then another liter of saline. This is to have her body flush alot out to protect her kidneys as much as possible. The clinic at Clifton Springs provide comfortable leather recliners for the patients. Only one person at a time can be with each patient (we get very uncomfortable chairs, lol).
During the "long day", mom watched TV while I read all kinds of magazines as well as brochures on cancer. The time went by faster than than what we thought. Mom's only justifiable complaint was having to go to the restroom about every 5-10 minutes for an hour because of all the liquids and the diuretic. She's a trooper and she is doing very well. She is optimistic and handling all the information, treatment, schedules, schedule changes well. I'm very proud of her. She hasn't experienced any severe side effects...yet. Each person is different. She may experience none, some or all. Hair loss, fatigue, nausea, loss of sleep, constipation, diarrhea, loss of appetite...just to name a few.
Today, mom had her first round of radiation. This only takes about 5-10 minutes. She also received chemo again today. It was a short day. Mom will receive radiation each day and chemo sporadically for the next 30 days (excluding weekends). Elisa is listed as the primary on mom's Healthcare proxy and I will be her Power of Attorney should it ever come to that.
We are taking it one day at a time. I've been in touch with Social Services to see if mom will qualify for any type of financial assistance during this difficult time. Surprisingly, they returned my call the very next day! They are sending me an application to see if mom can qualify for anything. She currently has AARP but that doesn't go into effect until August 1 and medicare only pays 80%.
Thanks to all of you who have helped or offered help and information thus far. We really appreciate it. Elisa and I are doing better and making sure we stay strong for mom. She was always there for us...still is...and we most certainly will be there for her.
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